I think the events of the past couple of weeks are just beginning to sink in. All alone in the flat, no one to tell how my day was and missing Jack our puppy incredibly. Loved him so much - just want one more cuddle. Feel like I can't go to church cos Jen will be there - really missing worship. Sometimes we try pretend that everything is ok, but I'm not sure I can keep pretending anymore.

In the midst of all that I do still feel and believe that I made the right decision. Its just the outworking and consequences of that which are difficult. There just seems to be so many questions that just don't have answers at the moment.

Beginning to feel like there are so many feelings and emotions that have been supressed over the past wee while. Just don't know how to best express them. Feel angry and inevitably I end up hurting people because I'm hurting at the moment. Feel like I want to shout but I don't know what I'd say. Plus get frustrated sometimes because i find it difficult to articulate what I'm thinking and feeling. I feel so disconnected from people. I can be in the biggest group yet feel so alone. I feel like there is so much to work through - my dad dying, history of abuse, lack of intimacy from my mum, the fear of lonlieness, fear of people, feelings of vulnerability, addictions, and now the stuff with Jenny. Just really want someone to hold me.